Love Doesn't Exist
by YuKiyOrA
Summary: "Your letter… your last letter. Don't make that the last… Why can't we be friends?"


Disclaimer: Story's mine. Characters are not. ;]  
_

**LOVE DOESN'T EXIST**

"Hey, Naruto, could you pass this to Sasuke during basketball training later? He changed his password to his locker…"

"Sure, Sakura. Hey, you don't look so good. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Fake a smile, Sakura, don't worry him! Don't let him suspect anything!

"Oh. Okay then, see'ya later!"

I waited till Naruto was out of sight before I go back to my emo-ing. I wasn't in a good mood, not even close. I am extremely depressed. But the letter that has to be seen by Sasuke eyes… It must be done.

Last year, I decided to repeat a year in high school just so I would be in a different class from my super close friend, Sasuke. Scratch that. Ex-super close friend.

I used to eat lunch with him everyday. We used to hang out together in school, and often, outside school too. We were so close that he gave me his locker password just so I could access to it for whatever reason he never told me before (but he often asked me to help him take his books to classes 'cause he would be late). I used to write encouraging notes for his studies and motivational messages for his matches and gave him snacks he told me he liked. I put them all into his locker. And he would flash his gentle smile for me. Or least I'd like to think it was for me.

After awhile, his smile lessened, and to him, I guess my actions became an expectation instead of kind gestures friends share because of its normality. That's also when the rumors started. Horrible horrible rumors that destroyed our friendship.

I wouldn't say the rumors weren't real. They are after all **one-sided**ly true.

I hope those people who circulated those rumors feel guilty now; now that I'm no longer Sasuke's friend. Or maybe, it was my entire fault from the start… my fault that we're not friends anymore and I blame it on my feelings for him. I blame myself.

That's why this year, I chose to leave him. I left those memories I love behind. They're poisonous, and deep down, I think I knew it from the moment I met him.

_[[ldx]]_

_Hello, Sasuke. I know that maybe you don't want to read this, but I need to tell you something. I need a closure so I won't regret even more than I already do. Please read it… this last time, could you read it with a forgiving mind? Thank you. _

_The one thing that I'll regret in my life, it's knowing you, then getting closer to you, then liking you, and… loving you. Because if I don't know you, I wouldn't fall into this deep pit of stupid love crap._

_That's why I cannot be your friend anymore... I don't want to love you anymore. When I'm around you, I become cautious, and it's very tiring. When I'm around you, I become hopeful, and my hope got crushed every time by your silent subtle rejections. When I stand beside you, I thought I could be something more than a friend to you, but then one day, you told me like this one girl… and I'm not so sure how to respond to your statement. I numbed out. You wouldn't know this intense pain._

_If I'm still a friend to you, I'll always want more. I'm such a greedy girl. It's all or nothing and my chances to get your heart is near to null. I'm not that dense. So I cannot be your friend anymore._

_I'm so sorry. I've always failed you; and I'm always the one to break my promises to you. I guess there's one last promise I have to break: I cannot eat lunch or hang out with you like we promised last year when decided to repeat a year and we promised to still eat lunch together this year. I'm sorry that you're now lonely in your class because I'm not in it anymore. But like you said, friends come and go. Maybe you already knew this would happen. You're a nice guy beneath your shyness and cool-headedness; I believe you could find better friends than me._

_I don't know if you noticed, but over the past year our friendship has turned awkward and I feel this silent pressure weighing on me whenever I talk to you, and it's worse each time I talk to you more… so I'm sorry… In this lifetime, I can't talk to you again. I'll never talk to you again._

_I'm sorry to bother you with all my notes, my gifts and my words the past year. Thank you for the friendship. There were enjoyable times._

_Goodbye, Sasuke. This is my last letter to you._

_P.S.: Love doesn't exist._

_[[ldx: **Sasuke**]]_

When I finished reading, my eyes grew watery. I never knew someone could love another that much. I thought love was easily destroyed and wouldn't last. But from Sakura's letter, I felt love. I felt her regrets and I felt her friendship and her sacrifices.

"Sasuke-teme, why aren't you crying?"

"Dobe, I thought you left the locker room?" What a way to spoil the moment for me, Naruto… and here I thought if there was no one, I could really cry out for once.

"Uhh, I forgot to take my dirty smelly jersey when I changed just now, and I came back in and you're just standing there holding a piece of paper, so engrossed. And I called you but you ignored me, so I became curious and just stood behind you reading her letter…?"

"What an inconsiderate, insensitive idiot…" I mumbled.

"What, Sasuke? You're too soft."

"Nothing much, dobe. You don't need to know."

"Yeah, okay, whatever. But Sasuke, even if I don't know, I know Sakura really loves you. And you like her too right?"

"Don't believe the rumors, Naruto, or are you another person without a brain of their own and spread nonsense around school?"

"Oh, believe it, I'm not. I've been your good old buddy for so long. Your teammate since elementary school! Even without brains, I can tell you liked her long enough.

Sigh. "You're right. You found me out. But I like our friendship just the way it is. The rumors just made things difficult now."

"Aren't you causing pain to her by denying the rumors? Aren't you a coward for denying your feelings? It made the whole thing seemed like her fault! Are you a man Sasuke? Besides, there's no friendship anymore, bro."

"…"

"Talk to her, Sasuke. She doesn't want to talk to you, but you can talk to her. Tell her your feelings. Save your friendship! If this drags on, it'll be too late! Trust me."

Argh. Someone stop his ramblings. "What's the time?"

"No need, Hinata just texted me. She said she's waiting for me at the school door and she-"

"What are you talking about? I'm asking the time and you're sprouting nonsense!"

"… Sasuke, Hinata just finished classes and she's in the same class as Sakura. Never mind. Just hurry to the school door, and chase her!"

"Thanks, Naruto."

I ran out of the locker room halfway through my last sentence. Please let me make it. Please let me save this friendship, this love.

_[[ldx: **Sakura**]]_

I'm giving up on love. Love doesn't exist. Love and you'll get hurt. Now, I just want to go home and take a long nap and fall into a deep deep sleep. It'll be best if I can just sleep forever and not wake up.

Maybe I'll try to shut my eyes tight… so tight that it would not open ever again. When I reach home, I'll do just that. Right.

With that thought in my mind, I opened the door and was stepping out of school…

"Sakura!" Oh no, not that voice, please make him go away. Please.

Ignoring him, I tried to make my escape.

"Sakura!"

Too slow to slap his hand away, I feel his strong arm grabbing me and dragging me up to the school's rooftop.

_[[ldx]]_

"Don't grab my hand! What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you."

"I don't need to. Goodbye."

"No, wait. I really need to talk to you." His eyes grew gentle and showed a hint of sadness.

"What is it? Make it fast; I need to go home to sleep." So much for acting indifferent. I'm still not used to not having a soft spot for him. For those beautiful eyes that looked hurt…

"Your letter… your last letter. Don't make that the last… Why can't we be like before?"

"Sasuke, you've read it, you know damn well why. Besides, you can make new friends." I smiled a sad smile. I'm feeling so bitter. Why must this be so difficult? Why is love so difficult that even trying to forget it is difficult?

"It's different! Every friendship is important to me, every friendship is different. Every person is special. You're unique, and your friendship is important too. Please, continue to be my friend. Because, I will feel weird without your friendship. Love can be found again, friendship is more difficult-"

"Love doesn't exist!" Why must he give me more false hope? I can't stand this any longer. I wished I had the courage to jump down from here. My heart hurts. It's painful… I wanna forget him. Forget love. Forget everything…

"No, you're right... Sakura, love doesn't exist… It's created." I knew this already, Sasuke, I also know something else. The reality and pain of love…

"Sasuke… Love can be created by one, and destroyed by the other."

"I'm sorry, Sakura." Looks like this is it. It's finally ending. I'll never get to talk to him again. I'll never get to see his smiles again. Be strong, Sakura. Walk away now. Walk away from him.

"Thanks for this last conversation. Goodbye, Sasuke." I turned to walk away. Walk away from my best friend… walk away from our last meeting. Don't look at him!

"I can't destroy this love! I created it too."

I turned around, confused. Perhaps he was comforting me. It'll be for the last time anyway. But still, what is he talking about?

"What are you talking about? You don't need to-"

Abruptly, he kissed me roughly to make his point. I guess that's the fastest way to make his explanation. But it seems unbelievable somehow. Too surreal to be happening. Too much to take in and too much for me to accept suddenly. What does this kiss mean? Sasuke, stop playing with me. I don't wanna get hurt even more. You liked someone else isn't it? So why kiss me? My tears that were threatening to fall all day long slipped out of my control, and they flowed down my cheeks, showing Sasuke my vulnerability.

"I'm so sorry. I kept the truth from you because I liked how natural our friendship is. Sakura, you thought that it's pressurizing to talk to me because of awkward silences. But you're wrong. They're not awkward. They're comfortable silences."

"But I can't be your friend, Sasuke! I'll want more than just being your friend!"

"So be it. Since we can't be friends… Haruno Sakura, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Are you sure? Aren't you making a mistake? For me, a friend, you'd go so far?"

"Sakura, I liked you from the moment I met you. I hid it from you and kept it in my heart because you didn't like me then. Then our friendship progressed and I'm scared I'll destroy my one bond with you…"

I smiled my brightest in these past grim weeks. I think, maybe love exists after it's created. When it's about to be destroyed, it finds a way to prevent it. It's so powerful.

"I guess that's a yes. We will always be friends or more, okay?"

"Okay, Sasuke."

As the sun sets over the horizon vaguely visible from this school's rooftops, and a light drizzle started dripping, Sasuke and I shared our first kiss with an evolved friendship (that first rough kiss wasn't romantic enough to be counted).

_[[ldx]]_

Love doesn't exist. It's created. It's created from our hearts with pure feelings, and it cannot be destroyed.

**[Love doesn't exist.]**


End file.
